After two days of much needed rest in Providence, I’m ready to take off again. Waking up in Annie Brownell B & B on Angell Street is quite special. There aren’t many other guests here, just one I think, so I get all the attention I want. Aware that I have an 11:00 appointment at Butler Hospital, I pack up and leave a little early so that I can stop by Moses Brown, a Quaker school in Providence located next to Brown University. With no appointment, I boldly introduce myself and get to visit with Ron, the Director of Development. Although our conversation is brief, I feel so at home in this Quaker environment.

A quick glance at the clock tells me that I better hurry off to Butler. What I forget to estimate is that Google gives me the distance to the street entrance. However, Butler Hospital sits on a huge campus way in the back. Blackstone Boulevard is a major divided highway with a green path in the center. Walking quickly (I remember the time), I cross paths with Rita who is also moving at an impressive clip. I barely can keep up with her, but I also know that she’ll get me to the hospital on time if I submit to her rigorous regime. Walking, breathing, and explaining to her my Walking with Nathaniel project leave me breathless at the hospital reception desk, but on time.

I hardly remember our visit to Butler many years ago when Dr. Phillips’s office was located here. When you’re in crisis, you don’t necessarily see what’s surrounds you. You just want help. That certainly was the case back then. Oh, by the way, it’s extremely hot today, so I’m not fresh as a rose when I show up in the boardroom to meet the twelve individuals around the large conference table. The group is diverse in the various roles played here. Added to the group is a delegation from the Coro Center where Dr. Phillips presently runs her BDD program in downtown Providence. As each person introduced him/herself and shared his/her job description, I appreciate the breadth of talent collected in one location. Dr. Greenberg skillfully orchestrates our sharing. I learn about the hospital’s newest research projects in OCD. They learn about Nathaniel’s journey. Our time together quickly connects us, regardless of the role we play.

Based on the number of times my phone quietly vibrates during the meeting, I know that it will take some time for me to sort out what needs my immediate attention afterwards, and what can wait. A phone call from Katie Stinchon, Teak Media Communications, informs me that ABC.com wants an interview this afternoon. Yikes, I haven’t even walked today and assignments are already piling up. One thing at a time. Order from REI another backpack rain cover to replace the one I lost several days ago is the first order of business. It may be sunny today, but what about two days from now?

At 2:00 I finally leave the hospital grounds. Attleboro, today’s destination, is at least 12 miles away. And it’s getting hotter too. And then out of the blue comes the thought that today is the day when the Earlham College Group in Spain walks triumphantly the last 5 kilometers from Monte do Gozo (Mount of Joy) to Santiago, ending the Camino journey. I remember that final stroll to our destination last year. It was bitter sweet–happy to have arrived but sad to know that the journey was over. I send them my best wishes telepathically, knowing that the six-hour time difference between there and here puts the event in Spain already in the past. That’s OK with me. When on the Camino, “chronos time” is always irrelevant, although I better hoof it now if I’m ever going to get to today’s destination in reasonable time.

And I do. But before arriving, I stop at the PeaceLove Studios in Pawtucket established by Jeff Sparr, an alumnus at Moses Brown School, who has struggled with OCD for many years. How I wanted to connect with the creator of this information and artistic center, but it was not meant to be. The “closed” sign suggests that I move on deliberately. The hot sun seconds the motion.

Today I cross the state line from Rhode Island to Massachusetts with no fanfare whatsoever. As a matter of fact, there isn’t even a road sign to indicate the important transition. Poor funding? So much for the band and banners as I enter my final state (five down and one to go). It’s difficult to shout out, “Ultreya!” when the sun is cooking me mercilessly, the sweat is saturating every dry spot of my clothing, and cars keep whizzing by. I guess this represents MA’s new austerity program for the new economy.

I arrive in Attleboro and am picked up by Rachel Rackow who will host me tonight with her husband, Mike. How wonderful to meet her again and to catch up with news. She is “full of child” and it could happen anytime. Tonight? I quickly review in my mind the birthing protocol I learned many years ago. I’ll let Mike take the lead if it’s tonight, otherwise goodnight and sweet dreams.

Providential Wanderings

For those of you who felt linguistically alienated by yesterday’s blog in French, my apologies, but not really. (Webmaster’s note: An English translation of yesterday’s blog has been posted by an astute reader in the “comments” section at the end of that day’s entry.) Nevertheless, let me bring you up to date with a sentence or two. Yesterday I arrived in Providence. Today, I’m still in Providence (rest day). It’s a holiday weekend after all, and pilgrims deserve rest too.

Yesterday’s entrance into the city from the south brought me face to face with painful memories of Judy’s, Nathaniel’s and my visit here in March 2011, a month before Nathaniel died. Seeing Olga’s Café, McFadden’s Irish Restaurant, The Coro Center, Hamilton Inn & Suites, and Brown University’s campus across the river stirred up much. How sick Nathaniel felt then! How scared Judy and I were! Our first impressions of Providence were clouded in pain. I have to breathe in and breathe out mindfully to mange the deep ache within. Release, Denis. Release.

Today I wake up early, eager to meet over breakfast with Dr. Katharine Phillips before she leaves for a conference out west. I have so many questions to ask, so much to learn about BDD. I know the disorder well experientially, having lived its daily ravages in Nathaniel’s life and our own. But some scientific facts are sorely lacking on my C.V.

Ninety minutes later, I feel better informed and better prepared for tomorrow’s appointment at Butler Hospital with several researchers in the OCD field. And then she hands me a surprise gift package–all the little items that only an experienced hiker would think to offer a 450-mile-worn pilgrim. It’s like getting an oil change and lube to help propel me across the finish line in Boston all freshened up.

The day’s agenda is wide open. Goodbye, Marriott Courtyard. Where do I go now? I head to the Compassionate Friends Garden near the Waterfront. The garden is a worthy tribute to all children who have died too young. The evening before, I discovered it accidentally. It’s there that Joni Block and her husband, Cliff, introduce themselves. Strangers? Not really. We share the same huge pain of loss. For them, it’s Rosie, who died at the age of ten. I had hardly introduced myself to them when Joni slipped a bracelet quickly and effortlessly onto my wrist. It says, “Forever in my heart.” Yes, he is. Yes, they all are.

Wandering up and down the city streets today is my effort to erase the blackboard of pain of 2011. I find each aimless step rewrites the city of Providence for me. Surprisingly, I’m glad to be here and that I have two days to do this impossible assignment. Big stays close to me–no choice on his part. He politely asks to model the “Walking with Nathaniel” hat letting me know that (no offense) sales will dramatically improve if he gets a bit more involved. I forget that Big has some deep processing to do, too. I willingly approve. We’ll see if his poster-child approach is more effective than mine. (Webmaster’s note: Want a hat of your own? Check out the offer by clicking on the “News” tab on the website, then clicking on “Events” on the pull down menu for more ordering info. Anny Ewing created a limited edition, and there are still some left!)

If you come to Providence, don’t stop for a cup of coffee at the Dunkin’ Donut Center. It’s not the “Motherhouse” of the town’s coffee offering, but an entertainment venue. I spend all morning downtown and eventually work my way down Angell Street that traverses the city from west to east, dropping me conveniently off at tonight’s stop: Annie Brownell House Bed and Breakfast. I’m adding today’s miles to the log, because I have talked to at least five people about BDD today–my equivalent of the IRS business deduction.

P.S. If you wander in circles, you eventually will find your way.

The pilgrim's dream package!

Thanks for the hat, Anny!

La descente de l’esprit d’amour

Aujourd’hui c’est la Pentecôte. Quoique nous ayons tous une interprétation personnelle de cette fête religieuse, la mienne est assez simple–la Pentecôte est la célébration de la descente de l’esprit d’amour. Ce don céleste dépasse toutes bornes linguistiques. Peut-être c’est la raison pour laquelle les disciples pouvaient parler plusieurs langues en même temps. Les mots d’une langue ne suffisaient guère pour exprimer ce grand amour. C’est ce que je ressens aujourd’hui. Donc, je vais vous adresser en français. Mes excuses aux Anglophones.

Ce week-end, grâce à la Pentecôte, je reçois cet amour en abondance. Par exemple je le vois dans la générosité de Sue Hoaglund qui ouvre la porte de sa maison pour m’accueillir. D’autant plus, il se réalise dans la visite d’Anny Ewing qui voyage de Pennsylvanie pour participer dans la marche avec Nathaniel et moi deux jours de suite. En plus il se manifeste dans la courte mais très brave promenade de Dennis Schmidt, qui fait un effort extraordinaire pour marcher un peu avec nous malgré son handicap physique.

Les demoiselles, Ann et Catharine, m’hébergent dans leur gîte, Lily’s At Little Rest B&B, pour une nuit sans vouloir de paiement de ma part. Comment ne pas voir l’amour de ma sœur, Louise, qui voyage avec son pique-nique délicieux et m’embrasse à bras ouvert à son arrivée? Son mari, Gary, et fils, Conor (mon neveu), sacrifient un jour de congé pour être avec moi. Le dernier, Conor, porte mon sac à dos des kilomètres pour que je sois libéré de ce gros fardeau quotidien.

N’est-ce pas une expression d’amour quand la famille Ewing (Andrew, Nicole, Shea, et Sophie) ne voit pas de problème que je dors chez eux (dîner et petit-déjeuner inclus) et fait la navette pour me récupérer en route et me loger avec leur cousine, Anny?

Et que dites-vous de la force de l’amour virtuel que vous m’envoyez quotidiennement pour alléger mes pas et mon sac à dos après des heures de marche? Les vibrations positives de cet amour me supportent, me renforcent, me nourrissent, et me rafraichissent.

Et il y a l’amour du groupe d’Earlham College (ancienne université de Carrie) qui marche aujourd’hui le Chemin St-Jacques de Compostelle vers Santiago ou il arriveront dans deux jours en même temps que je marche mon Camino de Nathaniel dans le sens opposé.

J’entends de loin ma cousine, Josette, au Québec qui chante mon aventure avec sa chorale Au Petit Champlain dans le Vieux Québec ce week-end. Sa belle voix mélodieuse arrive jusqu’à mes oreilles malgré la distance qui nous sépare. Et surtout n’oubliez pas non plus Max Yeh de Westtown qui paie la chambre de ce soir au Marriott de Providence–une catégorie de luxe que je rejouis rarement dans la vie. Je vais prendre un bain éternel!

Je ne pourrais pas faire ce périple sans la déscente de l’esprit d’amour qui nous égalise et relie fortement notre humanité sur Terre en affirmant que sans cet amour mutuel, on ne peut pas survivre longtemps sur cette planète. Nous avons tous besoin de ce grand amour. La Pentecôte enlève magiquement la barrière ethnique, religieuse, culturelle, et géographique. Il fait disparaître la crainte et l’incertitude. Il nous rappelle que notre humanité est notre vraie connexion.

En arrivant à la ville de Providence, je finis 450 milles de marche. Je commence l’étape final de mon pèlerinage. C’est à partir d’ici que Nathaniel a vécu les moments les plus difficiles de sa vie. Que j’aie la force de marcher bravement ces derniers pas de mon périple et ceux de mon fils, Nathaniel.

(J’écris ce texte sans dictionnaire et donc je vous demande pardon pour mes fautes d’orthographe et d’accent. J’embrasse l’imperfection de nouveau.)

Today’s segment, presented to you as a photo collage

Hosts: The Schmidt/Hoaglund family in Narragansett, RI, ready to accompany us on our first leg.

Rendez-vous with my sister Louise, brother-in-law Gary, and nephew Conor Knox, at Casey Farm Market in Saunderstown, RI.

Noon picnic in Wickford, with a delicious deluxe Louise-catered lunch by the sea.

Today's profound reflection (in haiku): On the Camino We embrace imperfection New t-shirt: two holes

DNA Podiatric update: one small blister, under control.

Big's New Hampshire cousin comes along for the ride.

Tan line à la Camino de Nathaniel.

Newport Creamery, mid-afternoon stop and farewell to the Knox family.

Rest Day Checklist

* Sleep well from the night before and don’t kick into action in the morning.
* Eat a nourishing breakfast with Dennis & Sue.
* Enjoy a second cup of coffee.
* Stay stationary for as long as you can.
* Send and answer tons of e-mails.
* Sightsee (by car, of course) Narragansett and surrounding towns.
* Plan the itinerary for last segments of the walk (from Providence to Boston).
* Appreciate the thick fog that surrounds you.
* Do a load of smelly dirty laundry.
* Relocate in the PM to the “New England Room” at Lily’s At Little Rest B&B in Kingston (best spot in town).
* Peruse the used and rare bookstore across the street at Kingston Hill Store.
* Buy nothing because you can’t add anymore weight to your backpack.
* Take a short but well-deserved nap.
* Go out to dinner with Schmidt/Hoaglund family at Aunt Carrie’s Restaurant in Point Judith (southern tip of RI).
* Appreciate the names, Judith and Carrie, the two most favorite women in your life.
* Plan tomorrow’s segment with fellow pilgrims from Narragansett to East Greenwich.
* Go to bed really early.

(All items have been checked off!)