May 21, 2012 Day 28 — Southold, Long Island to Groton, CT via ferry (walking miles 21.9)

Crossing the Ocean of Doubt

Gayle and Jack at Willow Hill House send me off after a delicious “Southern-Hospitality-on-the-North-Fork” breakfast to Orient Point, the very tip of Long Island. It is from there that I will take the Cross Island Sound Ferry to New London and continue my pilgrimage toward Boston on the other side. There is a light mist blowing from the east that constantly wets my eyeglasses. If I am to see clearly today, I need to leave them off. Hmm!

I’m always aware that doubts might eventually find me on the path, and today they do. Although I’m walking quickly forward, they too are moving fast and eventually they overtake me. What am I thinking walking 500-plus miles? Why am I doing this difficult project? How is the world more informed about OCD/BDD by my passing? Who exactly is taking the time and making the effort to know more about Nathaniel’s story and his cruel brain disorder? Are the people I meet or who are following this blog telling others  about Nathaniel’s struggle and my pilgrimage to raise awareness about the disease? Does it matter that I blog daily even after a long day’s walk? Are there virtual companion walkers I cannot see?

This “Walking with Nathaniel” pilgrimage isn’t about me, although during my long days of solitude, plenty of me-thoughts do abound. The should-have’s slowly creep in and join the doubts. I should have contacted the press more. I should have built a larger network of Facebook friends. I should have twittered and tweeted and facebooked and used all those other fancy techno communication vehicles to spread the news far and wide.

Perhaps the poor cell phone reception at the tip of Long Island and the thick misty fog today are responsible for my weak sense of connection. No, this is not about despair, but simply about my wanting one young man’s brief life on earth to have made a difference.

It’s time for me to cross the Sound and trust that Connecticut is still on the other side, even though I can’t see it today. It was certainly there yesterday. Eventually the shores of Connecticut come into view. As I put my glasses back on, I say to myself, “Three states down (PA, NJ, and NY) and three more to go (CT, RI, and MA).” Wow! That’s big. I think I have just crossed victoriously today’s Ocean of Doubt. Join me and shout “Ultreya!” as loud as you can.